An Old Movie Review

First, the trailer:

Okay, for any lover of murder and of comedy this movie is required viewing. If you have not watched it before, do yourself a favor and stop reading this and go do it then come back here and share with me in singing its praises.

My Star Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Director: Frank Capra

Writers: Julius & Philip Epstein and Joseph Kesselring

Starring: Carry Grant, Priscilla Lane, Raymond Massey, Jack Carson, Peter Lorre, James Gleason, Josephine Hull, and Edward Everett Horton

Synopsis: A Brooklyn writer of books on the futility of marriage risks his reputation after he decides to tie the knot. Things get even more complicated when he learns on his wedding day that his beloved maiden aunts are habitual murderers.

My Review

Cary Grant defines comedy in movies for me, much in the same way that Lucille Balls defined comedy in television. He’s just funny. And it’s not even a forced kind of funny. His funny comes from the soles of his feet and comes right off the top of his shiny, perfectly coifed, hairstyle. He has a library of work full of just how amazing his comedy is and I could talk about them for days on end. But, I am here to mention Arsenic and Old Lace specifically because it combines comedy and suspense/thriller in such a beautiful way that you will find yourself laughing till your crying. It’s just brilliant. Let me try my best to explain why.

WARNING: Spoilers ahead!

Don’t worry though, this isn’t the kind of movie where there’s some hidden mystery or anything like that. But I will be going into some details on a lot of what makes this movie so great and that might spoil it for you, especially if you’ve never seen it but would like to someday.

Let’s start with the cast. The all star cast. Not one roll is insignificant or small. From the cab driver who only has a handful of lines but all of them are quote worthy, to the drunk judge, to President Teddy Roosevelt. If they are on the screen then they are ON and they are at their best. They just don’t make movies like this anymore.

One of the things I love about this movie is, with the exception of the opening at the wedding registry office, and a few scenes here and there, the entirety of the movie takes place in one place. In the house of Mortimer Brewster’s aunts and eccentric uncle. There really is no need to go anywhere else as that is where the action is.

The story, to reiterate it is simply about Mortimer who has come home to marry the girl next door and tell the news to his aunts before they go off on their honeymoon. If only it was that easy for him to do.

When he arrives it turns out his aunts already knew that he would marry the girl next door. They are busy gabbing on and on about a party they must throw for him and Elaine (the girl next door). Mortimer is looking for his latest novel, another dig at traditional marriages. There is irony here since he’s not only just eloped but he and his new bride are going to Niagara Falls for their honeymoon! While he’s casually looking around for this manuscript that he left at his aunts the last time he visited he tells them about a play he saw recently:

Mortimer: I saw a play last week, it had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathon.

Aunt Abby: Oh, really?

Mortimer: Yeah, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called “Murder Will Out”.

Aunt Abby: Oh, dear!

Mortimer: Yeah, what a play. When the curtain goes up the first thing you see is a dead body. The next thing…

[opens the window seat and finds a dead body]

Ah, the window seat. The creaking sound it makes when they open and close it. Perfection.

We never actually see the dead body. We never see any bodies, actually. And that is the beauty of this movie. We don’t need to. We see the body through the facial expression of Mortimer when he sees it. That is enough.

So, he reacts the way anyone would who sees a body in the window seat. He begins to rationalize how it might’ve gotten there. Perhaps his uncle, crazy as he is with the whole thinking he’s President Roosevelt, has finally flipped his lid and it’s time he’s put away at Happydale Sanitarium. That is a name that is said a lot in this movie. But when Mortimer tries to explain to his two dear sweet aunts what he’s discovered in the window seat and that they must commit Teddy immediately they tell him not to worry about it.

“The gentleman is ours.” The way they say it. The look on his face. The whole scene starts there and really never lets up from that moment on. Mortimer goes from 0 to 100 throughout the movie with gusto. He is effectively us in that moment. Freaking out that his two aunts committed a murder. And when he realizes it’s not their first time!

“Others? Did you say others? More than one others?”

Yeah, Mortimer is freaking out. What is he supposed to do? He was just stopping by to tell them the news. He has a taxi waiting outside to take him and his new wife to the airport so they can go on their honeymoon. Niagara Falls and all the trimmings. But now he can’t. He has to figure out a way to save his aunts and uncle from being sent away for life. They are his family, after all.

From this point forward the movie goes at about breakneck speeds. Mortimer decides he must fast track his uncle being sent to Happy Dale Sanitarium. Which means he has to get a signature from a doctor to attest that Teddy has a couple screws loose and a judge who agrees before he can be taken away that very night! While he’s running around a gentleman looking for a place to stay, who is all alone in the world, stops by…

Dear sweet aunt Abby and aunt Martha, all ready for their next “fever victim” to drop dead. That’s what they tell their brother, Teddy, who believes them and buries them down in the cellar. Unfortunately, Mortimer isn’t about to let another man die, not while he’s there. He has to explain to them that what they are doing is wrong.

Mortimer: Look, you can’t do things like that! Now, I don’t know how I can explain this to you. But, it’s not only against the law, its wrong!

Martha: Oh, piffle!

Mortimer: It’s not a nice thing to do. People wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t understand. What I mean is… Well… This is developing into a very bad habit!

Now Mortimer must leave them but he makes them promise not to answer the door to ANYONE! He figures this way they’ll have less opportunities to murder someone while he’s gone. And the body is to stay right where it currently is; the window seat.

While he’s gone Aunt Abby and Aunt Martha decide to get dressed all in black so they can have proper funeral services for the gentleman in the window seat before he’s buried down in the cellar. You didn’t think they weren’t good christian women now, did you?

Just when they are about to go upstairs to change into their mourning attire there is a knock on the door. A strange man who, they joke, looks a lot like Boris Karloff and a smaller man are at their door. The aunts don’t recognize them so they ignore the door. However, the door isn’t locked so they just let themselves in.

It’s Jonathan, Mortimer’s long lost brother. Served some time in prison. Became friends with Dr. Einstein who has followed him across country, doing drastic plastic surgery on his face in order to elude the police. Currently he is rocking a Boris Karloff look which Jonathan isn’t all too happy about.

They meet Teddy who thinks that Dr. Einstein is a member of his cabinet and insists that he go down to Africa with him. That is code for down in the cellar. Naturally, the two aunts don’t want Teddy to take Einstein down there. After all the two visitors are going to need to check into their hotels. AKA they want these two to scram, and fast! But Jonathan is hell bent on staying. So he orders Einstein to go downstairs.

Teddy: [showing Einstein a photo] This is the picture I was telling you about, General. Here we are, both of us. President Roosevelt and General Goethals. That’s me, General, and that’s you.

Dr. Einstein: My how I’ve changed.

And what does he discover, but a lovely dozen graves where one hole is already pre-dug. This could not come as a better surprise for them as they are currently harboring a dead body in the boot of their car! Eureka!

[discussing the body count]

Dr. Einstein: You got twelve, they got twelve.

[angrily grabs Dr. Einstein’s necktie]

Jonathan Brewster: I’ve got thirteen!

Dr. Einstein: No, Johnny, twelve – don’t brag.

Jonathan Brewster: Thirteen! There’s Mr. Spinalzo and the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne, two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona…

Dr. Einstein: Phoenix?

Jonathan Brewster: The filling station…

Dr. Einstein: Filling station? Oh!

[slits throat]

Dr. Einstein: Yes.

Jonathan Brewster: Then three in Chicago and one in South Bend. That makes thirteen.

Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia!

Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn’t have died of pneumonia if I hadn’t shot him!

Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny. You cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are!

When Mortimer returns to find his long lost brother, Jonathan, has returned he’s not all too pleased to see him. And it’s not because his brother looks like a deranged killer (aka Boris Karloff) but because he’s in the middle of some crazy business already trying to put away his uncle to solve the twelve bodies in the cellar business.

But Jonathan has other plans. He and his friend are on the run from the law so for the time being they are staying. Meanwhile, Mortimer happens to look in the window seat to confirm the dead body is still there but he’s SHOCKED to discover there is a different body there!

Now it’s a showdown between Jonathan and Mortimer when he discovers the body doesn’t belong to his aunt’s who he falsely accused of killing someone while he was away. When the local police officers stop by for a chat he informs Jonathan that he must leave or else he’ll turn them in with their cold companion in the window seat. But how can he if they know about the bodies in the cellar? Instead, Jonathan decides the only solution to dealing with his brother…is death! To his credit, Dr. Einstein begs for “the quick way.”

As is his way, it starts when Mortimer tells Dr. Einstein about the play he was telling his aunt earlier. About a man who doesn’t realize a killer is coming up behind him with rope he gets from the curtain to use to tie him up!

I think Mortimer might be in trouble now!

But, in come the police! Just in time…except, this cop would rather talk about his movie script that he’s written about his mother, a dancer at a night club! I swear you can’t make this stuff up! So, while Mortimer remains tied to a chair the cop starts to reenact the story for him. All the while Mortimer is trying to get the man to freaking untie him from the chair! Or at least remove the gag in his mouth!

Even more comedy fighting ensues. I could probably go on for much longer but I hope you are convinced by now to find the movie and watch the movie. And if you’ve seen it already, go watch it again like I’m going to do. Cause it’s a classic. One of those you can watch over and over again and never get tired of it. I still laugh till I’m crying with this movie. It’s that damn good.

If you want to know what happens to Jonathan and his friend, does Teddy go away to Happy Dale Sanitarium, do the two aunts get found out about what they have buried in the cellar, and does Mortimer ever go on his honeymoon in the taxi waiting outside for him this entire time, then you’ll need to watch the movie to find out!

I’ll leave you with the top tier of best dialog scenes in the movie:

When Mortimer is trying to understand what he’s just discovered about his aunts and their apparent penchant for murdering lonely men who have no one. This is the end of my review but I wanted to share this and Aunt Martha’s recipe for you in case you ever wanted to try it. But don’t tell anyone where you got it from!

Mortimer: Look, Aunt Martha, men don’t just get into window seats and die!

Aunt Abby: We know, dear. He died first.

Mortimer: Wait a minute! Stop all this. Now, look, darling, how did he die?

Aunt Abby: Oh, Mortimer, don’t be so inquisitive. The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it.

Mortimer: How did the poison get in the wine?

Aunt Martha: Well, we put it in wine, because it’s less noticeable. When it’s in tea, it has a distinct odor.

Mortimer: You mean, you… You put it in the wine!

Aunt Abby: Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the window seat, because Reverend Harper was coming.

Mortimer: Now, look at me, darling. You mean, you mean you knew what you’d done and you didn’t want the Reverend Harper to see the body?

Aunt Abby: Well, not at tea. That wouldn’t have been very nice.

Mortimer: Oh, it’s first-degree.

Aunt Abby: Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. I do think that Aunt Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.

AUNT MARTHA’S RECIPE